Learning to Love my Postpartum Body
A quick, last-minute glance in the mirror before I left the house to take pictures reassured me that I looked good in what I was wearing and I didn’t really think twice about it. The original plan for this post was to share how to style mom jeans three different ways. Mother nature had other plans that day, but I was excited to go through these phots and get to editing! Then I saw them.
There was a point in time where taking photos for my blog was just about all I did. I loved it. I loved sharing my outfits and talking about fashion. Then life happened and now I can’t even remember the last time I did an actual “style” post. I was SO excited to have my sister in town last weekend to take pictures for me- as you can obviously see. That smile on my face is genuine. I was having a blast doing something that I forgot how much I loved. It wasn’t until I started editing, that my smile started to fade and I began tearing myself apart.
Let’s rewind for a minute. I gained a total of 20 pounds during my pregnancy and lost all of that weight by the time I went for my first postpartum doctor’s appointment a week after my c-section. Gaining weight during my pregnancy never really bothered me, mostly because I thought I’d gain a lot more than I actually did. I’ve never been a “skinny” girl and have always carried a little bit of extra weight in certain areas, so those 20 pounds weren’t really noticeable to me. I didn’t start to notice how much my body had changed until about a month ago, but when I did, it hit me hard.
My arms are a little softer. My hips are wider. My booty is bigger. My boobs sag a bit more now. My face is fuller. My skin is going nuts. I’m losing some of my hair. My tummy is shaped weird. When I compare pictures from before/after I had Aria, it’s hard to tell the difference. But when I’m standing in the mirror, teary-eyed and overwhelmed, it’s like I don’t even recognize myself anymore.
I’ve been in a funk lately and I think all of these physical changes are the cause of it. I was listening to The Papaya Podcast (the one with Briana Christine from BikiniBodyMommy) and their conversation really resonated with me. Why on earth am I beating my body up when it just did the most incredible thing on this planet- it created a beautiful baby girl. My body- soft tummy, wide hips, full face and all- has just gone through something so freaking amazing. My body created a life. Mine. The one I’m in right now.
I’ve had a sort of revelation today about all of this. I’ve always talked negatively about my body. I don’t think I’ve ever had anything nice to say about it. And you know what, that’s not fair at all. Because giving birth aside, our bodies perform incredible things on a daily basis. My body has fought off illnesses and has healed itself. I have been blessed with a body that keeps me going every. single. day. My body gives me the ability to run, walk, laugh, cry, eat, drink, feel, touch, hear, smell.. I think we all take our bodies for granted sometimes. God designed our bodies specifically for us and that is something that should be celebrated. We are created in His image and each of us have a purpose in this world.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:13-14
I didn’t want to post these pictures. I still have a little voice in my head saying “don’t do it,” but for the sake of being vulnerable, here I am.
If you’re actually interested in what I’m wearing, I’ve linked everything below. My cami is maternity, but fits like a normal cami would. Chad tells me I look homeless every time I wear these jeans, but I love them and would literally wear them every day if I could.